C25K

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I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to run a 5k again. Believe it or not, I have run one before! The year Izzy was born, I “ran” a Thanksgiving 5k with a pretty acceptable time of 45:22 minutes. Given I’d never even gotten past week two of the C25K program and I wasn’t really prepared for it at all, I was pretty thrilled about this time.

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It’s always been a distant desire of mine to train and better but I really didn’t have the motivation until my sister sent me a fitbit. It was pretty horrifying to me how sedentary I was. Frankly I was lucky to break 3000 steps a day. For someone who was belted in Krav Maga and suffers from health issues that are negatively impacted by a sedentary lifestyle, I figured I should probably pull that desire out of the distance and onto the front burner.

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I had started practicing on the treadmill for about a month before starting the program. I’ve never been incredibly confident on them but it’s much easier for me to drop the kiddos off at the YMCA play center that they love and hit the treadmill than it is for me to run outside. But I’ve grown to actually enjoy the treadmill and the stats it spits out at the end and have even made it to week three of the program. Yay! 😉

So this post is mostly an accountability post for me. Hopefully in a few weeks I’ll be able to report back that I’ve stuck with it and am nearing completion. I know that treadmill running is very different than running outside, but I still hope to complete a 5k or two by the end of the year!

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Full Disclosure

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It’s been a while since I’ve written in this blog. My intention when I started this was to have a place to write about our daily activities so that I could look back and remember things I’m sure I’d otherwise forget as well as to share a more detailed account of our lives with family that lived far away. And in the interest of being honest with myself, although it’s not something I particularly love talking about, my inability to focus on writing here (or anywhere for that matter) has been due to depression.

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The thing about depression is that unless you’ve experienced it, it’s difficult to understand. From the outside, I have an enviable life. I have three wonderful, well behaved, hilarious kids. I have a loving husband who comes home every night. I can go to the grocery store and not have to worry about money. My family is supportive and there for me when I need it. Depression has nothing to do with being ungrateful — in fact, it only makes you feel worse to know you can’t fully appreciate what you have.

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Chronic depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain and I have suffered with it on and off for most of my life now. Although I was medicated in high school, I never really thought it truly helped. So even though I knew things were worse for me than they had been in a long time, I wasn’t particularly motivated to get help. I have always pulled myself out of it before, I said. I can do this. I can feel better.

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But the truth is that I couldn’t. People love to post articles about how you just need to exercise or you just need to eat better, that will fix your endorphins. And maybe it’s true — I actually believe it helps. But when you literally can’t move yourself from the couch, when nothing seems to matter and you drag yourself through every day merely because your children need you, making time to exercise seems impossible. Cooking anything more than mac n cheese seems like climbing Mount Everest. And it sounds stupid when it’s written out like this, but it’s just like any other illness — your body isn’t functioning properly. You can’t help feeling that way and you can’t just “motivation” yourself out of it. Not when it gets that bad.

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So after several months I finally made an appointment and got myself on an SSRI. And the world of difference it’s made to my life… It’s like night and day. I can get the kids dressed and leave the house again. I can try new recipes. I can clean and schedule appointments and work on house projects. I can laugh with my babies again. I don’t feel disconnected from my husband and everyone around me. As most people say who have been in my position, I only regret I didn’t get help sooner.

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But that means I hope to be more active here. To talk about house projects that I actually have the motivation to work on. To post about my wonderful babies. To show off things that I’ve cooked. To be able to remember happy things again and not just how terrible I feel. It’s nice to feel like I’ve rejoined the land of the living. 😉

Ear Tubes for Orin

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Unfortunately my very first real post doesn’t get to be very happy. Today Orin had ear tubes placed in his ears for recurring ear infections. Korey had the same procedure as a baby and apparently it does run in families. I’d hoped that we would be able to avoid this – Izzy had never had an ear infection as a baby – but ever since his very first one as six months old the possibility has nagged at me.

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None too thrilled to be awake at 6:30 am...

We held out a long time too! He would go two or three months without one and then it would crop up again. Orin was considered only borderline eligible for the procedure until he got THE infection of his poor little life at the beginning of August when we were in Pennsylvania. We ended up having to go to the ER even – another first he graced me with. 😉 But that infection never seemed to go away no matter how we treated it – every two weeks we were back at the pediatrician for more medication. Finally they referred us to a pediatric ENT.

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But he perked up enough to play!

The practice I selected is associated with Children’s where Zelda had her heart surgery so I was familiar and comfortable with them. And while I do try to limit medical intervention and no one likes to see their children have any surgical procedure, I definitely felt relived when the doctor said he was eligible and a good candidate for tubes. It was a no brainer for me. Orin has been a miserable little man for the past three months – it was time to fix this once and for all.

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Pre-op with momma!

We had to go in super early this morning for the procedure and while initially Orin wasn’t too impressed, he perked up enough to play for a bit. I always feel like they’re going to start getting suspicious any time I only take one of them somewhere – ha! He misses his sisters greatly when they’re not around – even though they’re usually taking his toys away from him. 😉

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So so tired after being up for three hours and no food!

The worst part of the experience for me was reliving Zelda’s heart surgery. Every building in the Children’s network here in Atlanta seems to be branded the same way so the pre-op room looked distinctly like the one Zelda was in where I had to leave her over night so many times by herself. And the hallways were just the same as the ones I had to roll her down to meet with the anesthesiologist before surgery. But thankfully this procedure was so minor and the anesthesia so minimal I wasn’t really scared or nervous for him. I just think the experience of your newborn going into major surgery at a month old and five pounds is one that will never leave you.

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In a great mood after our nap.

And thankfully he did great! He didn’t cry much coming out of anesthesia and he immediately gobbled down a bag of goldfish. 😉 The doctor said his case was textbook and that everything looked fine. Most miraculously, except for some obvious moments of discomfort and pain, he seems like he actually feels better than he has in months! I was a little nervous he’d be groggy and upset the rest of the day, but he was back to playing and laughing and chasing his sisters as soon as we got home. 😀

I am really thankful for the great doctors and the great care we continually receive at Children’s and I am optimistic that this will make a big difference in the quality of Orin’s life. =)