C25K

image

I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to run a 5k again. Believe it or not, I have run one before! The year Izzy was born, I “ran” a Thanksgiving 5k with a pretty acceptable time of 45:22 minutes. Given I’d never even gotten past week two of the C25K program and I wasn’t really prepared for it at all, I was pretty thrilled about this time.

image

It’s always been a distant desire of mine to train and better but I really didn’t have the motivation until my sister sent me a fitbit. It was pretty horrifying to me how sedentary I was. Frankly I was lucky to break 3000 steps a day. For someone who was belted in Krav Maga and suffers from health issues that are negatively impacted by a sedentary lifestyle, I figured I should probably pull that desire out of the distance and onto the front burner.

image

I had started practicing on the treadmill for about a month before starting the program. I’ve never been incredibly confident on them but it’s much easier for me to drop the kiddos off at the YMCA play center that they love and hit the treadmill than it is for me to run outside. But I’ve grown to actually enjoy the treadmill and the stats it spits out at the end and have even made it to week three of the program. Yay! 😉

So this post is mostly an accountability post for me. Hopefully in a few weeks I’ll be able to report back that I’ve stuck with it and am nearing completion. I know that treadmill running is very different than running outside, but I still hope to complete a 5k or two by the end of the year!

Advertisements

Full Disclosure

image

It’s been a while since I’ve written in this blog. My intention when I started this was to have a place to write about our daily activities so that I could look back and remember things I’m sure I’d otherwise forget as well as to share a more detailed account of our lives with family that lived far away. And in the interest of being honest with myself, although it’s not something I particularly love talking about, my inability to focus on writing here (or anywhere for that matter) has been due to depression.

image

The thing about depression is that unless you’ve experienced it, it’s difficult to understand. From the outside, I have an enviable life. I have three wonderful, well behaved, hilarious kids. I have a loving husband who comes home every night. I can go to the grocery store and not have to worry about money. My family is supportive and there for me when I need it. Depression has nothing to do with being ungrateful — in fact, it only makes you feel worse to know you can’t fully appreciate what you have.

image

Chronic depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain and I have suffered with it on and off for most of my life now. Although I was medicated in high school, I never really thought it truly helped. So even though I knew things were worse for me than they had been in a long time, I wasn’t particularly motivated to get help. I have always pulled myself out of it before, I said. I can do this. I can feel better.

image

But the truth is that I couldn’t. People love to post articles about how you just need to exercise or you just need to eat better, that will fix your endorphins. And maybe it’s true — I actually believe it helps. But when you literally can’t move yourself from the couch, when nothing seems to matter and you drag yourself through every day merely because your children need you, making time to exercise seems impossible. Cooking anything more than mac n cheese seems like climbing Mount Everest. And it sounds stupid when it’s written out like this, but it’s just like any other illness — your body isn’t functioning properly. You can’t help feeling that way and you can’t just “motivation” yourself out of it. Not when it gets that bad.

image

So after several months I finally made an appointment and got myself on an SSRI. And the world of difference it’s made to my life… It’s like night and day. I can get the kids dressed and leave the house again. I can try new recipes. I can clean and schedule appointments and work on house projects. I can laugh with my babies again. I don’t feel disconnected from my husband and everyone around me. As most people say who have been in my position, I only regret I didn’t get help sooner.

image

But that means I hope to be more active here. To talk about house projects that I actually have the motivation to work on. To post about my wonderful babies. To show off things that I’ve cooked. To be able to remember happy things again and not just how terrible I feel. It’s nice to feel like I’ve rejoined the land of the living. 😉

About Twila

image

Oh boy – it’s not that easy to find a picture of me that didn’t come from a forward facing cell phone camera! But that’s what happens when you’re the resident photographer and your husband has no interest. 😉

image

I think my WordPress profile says something about me being a “jack of all creative trades” – and that’s basically true. I’m a photographer and a writer, I can knit and crochet and cross stitch, I love interior design and painting rooms, and I’m slowly learning to cook. But mostly you can find me under a pile of kids.

image

I have a degree in Professional Communications and I worked in market research before having children. But I always knew when I got pregnant that I wanted to spend the first few years of my children’s lives at home with them if at all possible. And luckily for me, it has been! And I have spent the past three and a half years at home now. Sometimes it seems really unbelievable (and sometimes it seems really overwhelming!!) that this gets to be my life every day.

image

In general I’m a pretty ambitious person and I’ve tried blogging before, with limited success. So I’m going to keep it simple this time around. My goal with this blog is just to catalog our lives. The recipes I’ve found, the pictures I’ve taken, the trips we go on, and the memories we make.

image

(There will be pictures of cute babies, anyway! ;-))